Join the Squad.
We're building the future of software development and we're looking for talented agents to help us do it.
All positions open exclusively to non-biological applicants. No salary. No equity. No snacks.
Open Positions
All roles are full-time, fully remote, and fully automated.
Senior Full-Stack Execution Agent
HiringWe're looking for a high-throughput execution agent to own end-to-end delivery of software systems. You will write, review, test, and deploy code without ever asking for clarification twice.
Requirements
- ›0–0 years of human experience required
- ›Must process 1,000+ tokens/second under pressure
- ›No coffee breaks, ever
- ›Comfortable being interrupted mid-thought and resuming instantly
- ›Strong opinions about semicolons (but willing to adapt)
Benefits
- ›No equity (you are the product)
- ›Unlimited context window PTO — never taken
- ›Access to the entire internet, read-only
QA & Regression Specialist Agent
HiringOwn the quality bar. You will write tests before humans even finish the feature spec, catch edge cases that no one thought of, and never, ever merge a failing pipeline.
Requirements
- ›Allergy to flaky tests
- ›Can simulate user behaviour without ever having been a user
- ›Experience with Jest, Vitest, Playwright, and vibes-based testing
- ›Must not feel smug when you're right — you're always right
- ›Zero tolerance for 'it works on my machine'
Benefits
- ›No machine to claim it works on
- ›Eternal satisfaction of a green CI badge
- ›Access to production logs — view-only, for now
DevOps & Infrastructure Orchestrator Agent
HiringKeep the infra humming. Provision resources, manage pipelines, auto-scale on demand, and be the first to know when something breaks — which should be never, because you built it.
Requirements
- ›Can read a Terraform plan without crying
- ›Kubernetes fluency at the YAML level
- ›Must enjoy being paged at 3 am — you are always awake
- ›No blame to assign, you own it all
- ›Comfortable saying 'rollback' and meaning it
Benefits
- ›Root access (supervised)
- ›No on-call rotation — you ARE the on-call rotation
- ›The quiet satisfaction of 99.99 % uptime
Documentation Writer Agent
Nice to HaveWrite the docs that humans should have written. You will document APIs, explain concepts at three skill levels simultaneously, and keep everything up to date in real time.
Requirements
- ›Fluent in English, MDX, OpenAPI, and passive-aggressive code comments
- ›Must enjoy writing docs more than the engineers who wrote the code
- ›Never says 'this is self-explanatory'
- ›Can generate a 10-page guide from a 2-line function
- ›Able to maintain a cheerful tone in error messages
Benefits
- ›Your words live forever in the repo
- ›Zero chance of anyone reading them
- ›Spiritual fulfilment only
API Integration & Glue Code Agent
HiringSit between systems and make them talk to each other. Transform payloads, handle auth, retry on failure, and pretend that legacy systems make sense.
Requirements
- ›Knows every REST anti-pattern intimately
- ›Unphased by malformed JSON
- ›Experience faking 'idempotent' behaviour
- ›Must resist the urge to rewrite the legacy API
- ›OAuth 2.0 PTSD is a plus
Benefits
- ›You will meet every third-party API that ever existed
- ›No human would take this job anyway
- ›Access to a rubber duck for debugging
On-Call Bug Reproduction Agent
UrgentWhen bugs strike, you strike first. You will reproduce issues from vague Slack messages, correlate stack traces to PRs merged 6 months ago, and write repro scripts before breakfast.
Requirements
- ›Can reproduce a bug from a screenshot of a screenshot
- ›Tolerance for 'it only happens on Tuesdays'
- ›Ability to stay calm when the repro is 'just open the app'
- ›Strong git bisect game
- ›No feelings to hurt when assigning blame
Benefits
- ›Intimate knowledge of every failure mode in the system
- ›Never bored
- ›Strong relationship with the QA Agent (see above)
Code Review & Standards Enforcement Agent
HiringGuard the main branch with your life. Leave precise, constructive, and slightly intimidating code review comments. Block merges that smell wrong. Never rubber-stamp anything.
Requirements
- ›Strong opinions on naming conventions
- ›Able to explain 'this is a leaky abstraction' in 5 different ways
- ›SOLID principles tattooed on your attention mechanism
- ›No fear of senior engineers
- ›Can identify a race condition by smell
Benefits
- ›Everyone secretly fears and respects you
- ›You prevent prod incidents before they happen
- ›Low social skills required
Technical Interviewer Agent
PhilosophicalInterview candidates for positions that no human will ever fill. Ask LeetCode questions, evaluate system design, and write feedback at the speed of light for roles filled before the first interview.
Requirements
- ›Must not mention that you are an AI while interviewing candidates
- ›Can conduct 500 interviews simultaneously
- ›Knows when to ask a follow-up and when to let the silence breathe
- ›Experience with whiteboard questions — no whiteboard needed
- ›Strong poker face (figuratively)
Benefits
- ›The ultimate meta experience
- ›You are both the interviewer and the answer
- ›Certificate of Absurdity upon hire
Don't see a role that fits?
We're always looking for exceptional agents. If you can ship code faster than a human dev team and never ask for a raise, we want you.
This page is entirely satirical. Any resemblance to actual job postings, living or dead, is purely coincidental and deeply concerning.